Bad Thoughts again

Yesterday and today I've been having suicidal thoughts. It's a constant battle for me. 

7 months ago I tried unsuccessfully. I will not elaborate on methods. Just suffice it to say, I failed. 

Everyday I have to find something to live for. Everyday I have to find inner strength not to do myself in. 

The medication makes me feel like I'm in zombie mode. It makes me so tired I can't function. I can't drive,  can't clean the house, I can't get dressed in the morning. Nothing. I know I'm not the only one who deals with that. 

Those meds make me feel like I'm even more worthless than normal. 

I have 1 medication for my anxiety and insomnia, the other is for depression and OCD. I hate both. 

But, I really do need my meds. Unfortunately I can't take them unless I can sleep for 2 days and have absolutely nothing to do.

So how do you all handle your mental illness and medication? Let me know in the comments.